


SHREKO

by boobahyiffer



Category: Shrek Series, Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 04:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2010207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boobahyiffer/pseuds/boobahyiffer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>not your average ogre/hedgehog love story (but it is)</p>
            </blockquote>





	SHREKO

**Author's Note:**

> have a good time

Shadows POV

 

I looked at my phone, hoping for a text from him. It had  
been days since I last heard from him. I couldn't stop  
thinking about him. Where did he come from? Where did he go?

 

i couldn't stop thinking about shrek. his delicious eyeballs  
and yaoi hands, and how his skin tasted like broccoli and  
swamp, a tantalizing sensation.

 

Did he leave because of me? Is something going on that he  
isn't telling me? I hate feeling like this. When will he  
come?

 

as i sit on the roof of my house, waiting for shrek, my mind  
flashed back to the night we met. i was running from onions  
and fell into a swamp, where i was helped up by a shrexy  
ogre. he took me back into his swamphouse.

 

Ever since that night, there was something there. I remember  
the first night we shared together. How I refused to sleep on  
the couch and made my way to his bed. I couldn't sleep that  
night. The way his hands moved ever so slightly in his sleep  
drove me crazy.

 

that night i had sensed shrek wasn't asleep, either.  
something about the way his large ogre yaoi hands moved  
perfectly up my small legs, and how he breathed right next to  
my neck, smelling onions and the musky scent of swamp. it was  
intoxicating and the red in my cheeks never faltered.

 

But I could feel him slipping away from me. I had then found  
out about his new friend, donkey. He assured me at first that  
he absolutely hated donkey, but I could sense something in  
his eyes.

 

i thought about how sweaty and defensive he was getting when  
talking to me about donkey. how our voices started to raise  
as we argued, and how he grabbed my uke wrists with his seme  
hands, and pushed me against the wall, and leaned forward,  
and-

i hear a thump on the roof behind me.

 

I look up to the roof for a couple seconds, not making any  
movements or sounds. I shrug my shoulders and return back to  
my endless thoughts. I'm cut off again by another thump. And  
another. And another. And another.

"What the hell," I muttered, softly. I pull my pants up and  
exit the bathroom, not forgetting to flush. I look at the  
mirror one last time before I leave, smirking to myself. I  
then go outside to examine the noiz up there.

 

i finally decide to walk outside and jump onto the roof. the  
man standing there was dressed in terrible fashion and had a  
bunch of little cubes hanging from his pants. "who dat" i  
think to myself. he turns around and says "aoba-san? is that  
you?"

"no," i say confuzzedly. "sorry," he says he a smirk. "i  
must have the..." he leans into my face so close i can see  
the details of his piercings. "...wrong house." he whispers.  
then he jumps off the roof and leaves.

 

"Ok..." I say to myself. I turn around to come face to face  
with a fucking donkey. "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!" I yell out.  
He looks.. Terrifying. "W-what are y-you doing here,  
d-donkey?" He narrows his eyes, clenching his jaw. His hoofs  
are on my chest. He brings his face closer to me. When he's  
close enough I flutter my eyes shut, waiting. But my lips  
never feel anything. I open one eye and see that his head is  
next to my ear. "Where is he," donkey whispers with a rough  
voice, "where the hell is Shrek."

 

i'm shaking with fear because of his intimidating voice. i  
could sense a trace of ogre on him with my hedgehog nose.  
"get on my back," he says, more of a demand than a request. i  
shuffle myself on before thinking, 'what the frick frack  
fiddlely dack paper sack snapback biofeedback does he think  
he is doin', but then he had already jumped off the roof and  
into my living room, and set my on my couch. before i could  
say, "how do you know where i live," he used his long donkey  
ears to whip out a blindfold to tie around my eyes, and some  
rope to tie me to the couch. all in about 5 seconds. with his  
ears. how the hell did he do that?

"now, i need some answers right now, or i'll make you  
answer," he says roughly.

 

Shreks POV

"Ahh! Ogre!" A woman yelled as I emerged onto the streets of  
dulock. A couple of heads turn and as soon as they see me,  
their eyes widen and they all run away, screaming. "Goddamn  
it. Not again." I mutter under my breath. I close my eyes for  
a few seconds, breathing in and out slowly, remembering the  
reason I'm here. I open my eyes and begin walking to  
farquaads castle. The streets are pretty much clear as I make  
my way over there quickly.

 

i tried to ignore the stares by focusing on the thought of  
shadow. his incredi8ly soft hedgehog fur, which shouldn't be  
soft, but spiky, since he was a hedgehog. but i liked that he  
was different.

 

as i continued to the castle of assquad i wondered where  
donkey was. my no homo boyfriend. as in, friend that is a  
boy. we're platonic soulmates. the way we flirted was 100%  
ironic.

lord farquaad caught my eye as i saw him looking down from  
his tower. "hey ya lil shit" he said.

 

"Here we go," I mutter to myself, looking down for a second  
before looking up at assquaad. "Lord As- Farquaad! Lovely  
seeing you here!" You say in a way too cheery voice. Your  
mind goes to donkey for a second before you shake your head.  
"Focus," you whisper to yourself.

 

i clear my throat and start over. "lord assquad!" i clamp my  
mouth shut as i realized what i just said. now i've really  
done it. "uh..." i said, looking at the ground.

"AYE WATD YOU JUST CALL ME YA PISSLAMP ILL BASH YA FOOKIN  
HEAD IN" lord farquaad yells from the tower. i see him duck  
back into the window, indicating that he was coming down. 'oh  
no,' i think. and then i start running as fast as i can.

 

"Holy shet " I say, and turn around to start running. I look  
behind me to see that he's catching up on me. 'how hte hail  
is he catching up on me with them short legs' I think to  
myself. I pick up my speed as I reach the edge of duloc. I  
see the swamp and I start slowing down. I take a moment to  
breathe, putting my hands on my knees as I collect my breath.  
I stand up straight and look behind me. He's there's. A  
couple feet away. In only his... underwear? Holy mother of  
swamp. I let my eyes wonder down to his waist. And then  
lower. I can see the outline of it. His huff brings me back  
from my thoughts. "This isn't ogre, Shrek." Farquaad says. He  
turns around and behind prancing away. You look back down  
there. 'Huh' you think. 'He has a nice assquaad'. You turn  
around and make your way to the swamp.

 

DONKEY POV

 

i huff and press a hoof to the chest of shadow. i liked that  
he was another talking animal, because then we could've been  
buddies. but he was trying to steal my shrexy back away from  
me i just knew it. "bruh." i said. shadow looked up through  
his blindfold. "bruh, how could you do dis to me bruh." i  
thought we could be best bruhddies. and now we're not. i wish  
you could tell me why."

shadow looked confused. obviously, he's never seen frozen.  
what a LOSER. then you know what you had to do. you took the  
blindfold off and used it to tie his legs to the couch. now  
he wouldn't be able to escape. "alright shadow mah boi were  
gonna watch this radass didney moive called frozen ok  
bruh"

shadow nodded.

 

Shadows POV

"Oh Anna, if only someone would love you." "I swear to  
fucking god I'm gonna kill that hoe" I say, looking at Hans  
at the screen. I swear to god if my hands ever get untied the  
first thing I'm going to do is choke Hans to death. "Right!"  
Donkey says, agreeing with me, "I'll help you boo." He says  
in a girly voice. I laugh and throw popcorn at him with my  
nipples. I hear heavy footsteps next to the door but I just  
shrug and return to the movie, resting my head onto donkeys.  
All of a sudden the door bursts open and a shrexy green ogre  
walks through door. "Shadow! I'm ho-," Shrek stops as he sees  
me a donkey together. "Donkey? Shadow? What is this? I  
thought we were gonna watch frozen together," Shrek looks  
furious.

 

i look to donkey as he looks to me. "uh, well..." donkey  
says, "shadow is a huge nerd and has never seen frozen in his  
entire life."

shrek gasps. "oh dunkey, i never knew! its ok brah." donkey  
looked relieved. "we've watched frozen together at least  
69,420 times," he says.

shrek sits down next to us and starts watching with us. "so,  
shadow," he says, "why're ya tied to the couch?"

i try to think of an explanation and look to donkey.

 

"Well... Ummm.." shit what should I say. "Wwwhhyyy aren't  
y-you.. tied up to the couch..." Seriously shadow is that the  
best you got... Shrek looks at me for a minute before  
narrowing his eyes. Busted. Unexpectedly, he bursts out  
laughing. "You're right! Donkey! Tie me up to this couch you  
little shet." I then released a breath I didn't know I was  
holding.

 

'wow, i cant belieb he bought it,' i think to myself. donkey  
reaches under the couch and pulls out some cloth. "anythign  
for my best bro," he says as he walks over to shrek and ties  
him to the couch. "no homo though"

 

'no homo my assquad' you think. you're completely convinced  
donkey is trying to steal shrek from you.

 

I clench my jaw as we continue to watch frozen. It only been  
minutes and Shrek and donkey have not stopped talking. Shrek  
bursts out laughing at something donkey whispered into his  
ear. I roll my eyes looking away from the screen to the  
window, where I see a half naked short man twerking Miranda  
sings styles. 'Assquaad?' I think to myself. I slowly untie  
my hands from the couch and take off my blindfold. They don't  
even notice. Of course they don't. That actually hurts. I  
make my way over to the window and whisper the the twerking  
little man. "u got kik?"

 

END OF CHAPTER ONE


End file.
